Contrary to popular belief: being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely
Photo by Lindsey Poorman
Spending time alone is becoming more popular as it is increasingly being perceived as a common activity.
March 12, 2020
Internal narration occurs in our heads as we internally laugh at a joke we made to ourselves or try to process our surroundings. But as soon as solitude is found, many begin to feel a sense of discomfort because they are left alone with the voice in their head. Being alone entails confronting our feelings and thoughts due to the lack of distractions, and this has resulted in a plethora of individuals being petrified by their very own company.
“I sometimes feel uncomfortable because I am always surrounded by friends when I go out. In a sense, I only go outside my house when I am with people. I should go out more because I like being alone, but I don’t do it since I don’t like being left alone with my thoughts,” Miguel Quintero (12) said.
When we find ourselves alone, we often resort to going on our phones in order to pass time by opening an app or texting a friend. Connecting to others via social media can be an essential tool, but the immediate reaction to entering a room by yourself should not be going on one’s phone and scrolling through Instagram or TikTok. Even if the room is crowded by couples or groups of friends, there is no shame in being by yourself.
“I don’t find myself uncomfortable when I am alone because I honestly find that there is less to worry about. There’s no problem with being alone. I use it as a time to be positive with myself and I like it that way,” Jesus Martinez (11) said.
Experiences can be positively enhanced by the company of family and friends. Making memories with loved ones is an important, beloved feeling that holds immense value. But worthwhile moments also include those spent by ourselves—creating memories by ourselves can foster self-exploration and gives us the ability to focus on our feelings and thoughts. The loss of comfort found within others can result in much needed time to address our own needs.
“I have a lot of trouble paying attention in school and I get depressed when I am not talking to someone. But the outside world is interesting. I can appreciate and immerse myself in my surroundings in a way that, even if I am detached, is still satisfying. Time passes by differently when you’re alone, it sometimes feels like I am watching a movie,” May Delos Reyes (12) said.
Being alone should not hold someone back from trying something new or going to an event. Embarrassment should not be felt if you find yourself alone. Discomfort is normal, but we need to work on learning to embrace it. Go to a cafe by yourself. Go to a concert by yourself. Go to a school dance by yourself. Our experiences should not be limited by who we can share them with. Others may perceive you as lonely, but find the security within yourself to know that the only company you truly need is your own.
